Cleanse – Day 2

I woke up this morning still grumpy. Coffee headache still here (or maybe just a regular headache, but I’m blaming my lack of coffee). This time around I mixed the Ionic Seaweed in a glass of water and the taste was way less overpowering. So now it was just a hint of awful instead of awful all at once.

Sarah made me a smoothie and offered to put half a banana in it. I don’t think that’s allowed but I don’t care. I’m hungry and I don’t have coffee. I deserve a friggin’ banana.

2:08pm. Super grumpy. Sarah made more chicken and peppers for lunch which was really good. I’ve felt really tired and lethargic all day. I’ve been constipated today, too, which is a bit surprising because I’ve always heard cleanses have the opposite effect. I still have a headache and a slight stomach ache which is probably from all the angry poop that insists on staying put.

I also don’t like being in this bad mood. This will change, right? I don’t like being upset with/snappy at Sarah for no reason.

6:09pm. Took a nap. Headache is almost gone. Hungry. I’m allowed to have as many green apples as I want. I have the feeling I’m going to get sick of green apples really fast. And chocolate. You see, everything on this cleanse seems to be “chocolate” flavored, I guess to fool people into forgetting they’re on a cleanse. The shakes, the snacks, the “chocolate wafers.” I’m going to be sick of powdered chocolate flavoring even faster, I think.

11:05pm. I came home from rehearsal hungry and craving a burger. Or bacon. Anything meat-y. I had an egg (and 5 egg whites) and 2 bowls of spinach. Still grumpy. Going to bed.


Cleanse, Day 1

Sarah wanted to try a 30-day cleanse and somehow she talked me into doing it with her. Because the cleanse itself was pretty expensive, instead of splurging for two we decided to share it and make it a 15-day process instead. Fifteen days without coffee is still 15 days without coffee, but it’s better than 30.

I started off drinking 2 ounces of…I don’t know what it is. Ionic paste, I think. They said you could also dilute it in water but, because I’m an idiot, I drank it straight. Or tried to. You know in movies and TV when someone is drinking some sort of “health smoothie” and their friend tastes it and they have the appropriately comedic reaction? That was me.

The phrase “blech” was the only thing I could think to say and I think I said it 376 times.

The replacement smoothie for breakfast was OK, but the chocolate flavoring to make it “yummy” seemed a little overpowering. I was already grumpy without my coffee and, after the smoothie and supplemental pill, was still kind of hungry.

Sarah made us chicken, rice, and peppers for lunch which was really good. I inhaled mine in about 3 seconds and thought about how much I wished I had some coffee to get rid of the coffee headache that was already throbbing.

By 6:30pm, despite the “snacks” we were allowed, I was still ravenous. On my way to rehearsal for a play I am in, I stopped by the coffee shop (with Sarah’s permission) and got a small black cup of coffee. I didn’t have much of it, as I usually take mine with cream, but it was still coffee and it seemed to help for a little bit.

When I got home, Sarah made me another shake and I was still hungry. I made a salad (a bowl of plain spinach) and had a green apple and then ate some peanuts. I’m looking forward to the “I feel great!” part because right now I’m just grumpy.