Sarah and I went to a carnival this weekend. Most of the rides there were “spinny” rides so I politely declined. We did, however, ride the boat that swings back and forth and back and forth. We were the only ones on the ride and we sat in the very back to get the most out of it. At first it was a lot of fun.
But then…well…I think the guy running the ride was trying to be nice by making it an extra-long ride since we were the only ones on, but after about 20 minutes we got bored. And he was just laughing and smiling and after the initial “woohoo” wore off, I was then able to take a good look around and see all of the ways I could possibly die.
The ride was obviously constructed by someone from Europe who thinks all Americans are 400 pounds, as the safety bar didn’t come remotely close enough to holding us in properly. Poor Sarah. She’s so tiny and was holding on to me so tightly. I don’t blame her. Every time we swung down, she would lift completely off and almost out of her seat.
Sarah said if we fell out, at least we’d get a good settlement. I told her I’d rather not have to live the rest of my life with a slice of rebar sticking out of my neck.
We decided for our next ride, we would try out the dreaded TOMB OF DOOM.
Look how scary it is! This is going to be awesome!
Once inside, though…
I think it was right at this point I turned to Sarah and said, “We could have made this in our basement.”
The cart we were in wove in and out of a series of black plastic trash bags. Once in a while we would pass a mummy. Because the ride was so well-choreographed, 30 seconds after we passed the mummy, we would hear it scream. We looked behind us to see what we were missing only to see it was just then being illuminated.
We stood outside the TOMB OF DOOM talking for a few minutes and after a short bit, a 5-year-old was finishing up his turn on the ride. His mom was waiting outside for him and with every bit of enthusiastic motherly joy she could muster said, “Were you scared?”
The kid just looked at her and said, “No.”
I wanted to tell the mother to write down the date and time in her memory book when she got home, because this was the exact moment in time her son became jaded.
We ran into some friends of Sarah’s and they told us about the chocolate-covered frozen bananas. As huge fans of Arrested Development, naturally Sarah and I were excited to have our very own Bluth banana. And I proved my Bluth-iness by making a stupid blunder.
The bananas came plain, with peanuts, or with sprinkles. I wanted the little chopped nuts on mine…
…so naturally I ordered sprinkles.
I mean, that only makes sense, right?
Little sprinkles of chopped up nuts?
I guess if I would have given it some real thought I would have figured it out. But I didn’t. So instead I got to walk around the carnival with a miniature gay pride float in my hand.
After we walked around for a bit, we went over to our friends to hang out for the rest of the evening, play some games, and then watch the fireworks. The time we spent at their kitchen table laughing and talking and sharing stories more than made up for our somewhat-enjoyable time at the carnival.
We watched the fireworks go off from their yard and then we watched the fallout and ashes from the fireworks fall all over us and their house. We were all sprinkled with little charred pieces of cardboard and ash and after it was over firemen climbed on top of their roof to make sure their place wouldn’t burn down.
All in all, though, it was a good day. I got to spend a nice evening with Sarah, we laughed and talked and watched really fat people try to climb down stairs. We got to hang out with good friends Ethan and Aubrey and Chris and Cathy we hadn’t seen in far too long and as I left their house and looked back at the carnival grounds, it was a nice image.
Even if the TOMB OF DOOM was totally lame.