Quotes of the Day

As many of you know, I always carry a little notebook in my back pocket to jot down any moments of comedic clarity that might run through my brain throughout the course of the day. Some time ago I also started keeping track of “quotes of the day,” odd, random, or just funny statements uttered by whomever I happened to be with at the time.

I’m at work right now, but while I wait for the DVD I’m working on to finish burning I thought I would share some of those quotes with you. Enjoy!

“Give me back my baby!!” – screamed by a random woman on the streets of Garrett, Indiana

“This stupid thing. I’m gonna burn it. (pause) Will this burn?” – my brother Ray mad at his tape measure

“Tootsies don’t pop. They only chew.” – Sarah explaining why she prefers Blow Pops to Tootsie Pops

“I couldn’t hear you. Sarah was talking to the fruit flies.” – Stacy, during a game of poker

“I think of meat and milk a lot.” – Kristi, on the way to the Creation Festival

“I’m not cool because I don’t have an iPod.”
“Then go buy one so you can buy your coolness.” – Mindy and Kristi, in the car on the way to Creation

“I didn’t think people snored like cartoons but turns out they do.” – Sarah complaining about a loud neighboring camper at the Creation festival

“Man, I haven’t blinked in a while.” – Sarah, playing Bejeweled on the computer

“I never knew what a work ethic was. Neither of my parents worked.” – Sarah on a Sunday afternoon

“I don’t have a grudge against him because he sucks at his job. I have a grudge against him because he sucks as a person.” – Kate, amid frustration

“You can if you’re a genius, a super computer, or two albinos with a camera.” – Fred, after being asked if you can upload videos to the Monsterpod website

“I didn’t think you would eat it.”
“It’s a brownie, man.” – Me and Ken at Outback Steakhouse

“I was going to say ‘Look at the moon behind you’ but it was a light bulb.” – Sarah outside IHOP

“Actually, I played with eggs more than I did with dolls.” – Sarah, walking past a store where everything is made of eggs

“I can tell by your writing you’re sick.” – Sarah, to me when I was ill

“What’cha not writing?”
“My name.” – me and Ashlea, in an i-tickets meeting at work

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