Today Dad and I were working at a house and the guy was telling us about a Sex Education class he went to last night. I spent the first part of his tale trying to figure out why he was attending such a class, since he’s in his 60s (I know a lot of things have changed in the last 40 years, but as far as I know, the fundamentals of sex are pretty time-tested). It turns out it was part of his AA class. I still wasn’t quite sure why they were teaching them about sex in an AA class, but that’s not the point.
The point is the teacher was teaching the class how to put on a condom. Or, as he pronounced it, a pro-elastic. At first I thought he was saying “prophylactic” wrong on purpose to be silly, but it turns out he wasn’t as he continued to tell us about the pro-elastic and how to wear a pro-elastic and the teacher was telling them all about pro-elastics and then she went on to display how to put on a pro-elastic.
We’ve worked for this guy quite a bit and he’s not the kind of person who is always goofing up words so it threw me off even more than the “pro-elastic” when he announced she didn’t use a banana or cucumber to demonstrate the proper way to put on a pro-elastic, but instead pulled out a real live plastic dodo! It was very hard not to burst out laughing.
This guy was sober and he wasn’t even close to getting it right. So, if you happen to see an extinct bird wrapped in pro-elastic, get out of the way. There’s a drunk man nearby who’s feeling a bit randy.