Wow. Today I got yelled at. And I mean yelled at. I got yelled at like a man yells at a kid who broke his window with a baseball. I got yelled at by a bald fat white guy with a really hairy back wearing no shirt and a prancing around in a skimpy pair of black shorts. And man, did he yell at me.
Dad and I were painting a house today in a pretty nice neighborhood. We were painting the ceiling in the garage, so we moved the lawn mower and other assorted items out onto the driveway to keep them spatter-free. We went on to paint and at about 2 in the afternoon I went outside to put some stuff in the trash. I was approached by the aforementioned bald shirtless fat white guy with a hairy back and this was our conversation:
NO SHIRT: (already enraged) Hey!
NO SHIRT: Did you just mow the lawn?
ME: (confused) No.
NO SHIRT: (pointing to the lawn mower in the driveway) Well, that’s out!
ME: Yea. I’m just the painter.
NO SHIRT: (screaming, face turning red) Well whoever mowed the lawn mowed on my property!!! And I am pissed off!! I have professionals in to mow my lawn and if you can’t mow on your own property then I’m going to put a flag in the yard and paint a line down the property line!!! I am pissed off!!!
ME: I’m just the painter. I don’t know anything about who mows their lawn.
NO SHIRT: Well then you tell them!! They’re mowing on my property!!! This is my property!! You have–
And I couldn’t help it. I laughed at the man. I didn’t just snicker or suppress a giggle. I laughed at him. I laughed right in his face. I didn’t do it on purpose. It’s just that I was getting yelled at by a fat bald white guy wearing only tiny black shorts and doggonit, that’s freakin’ funny.
And he wasn’t lying, he was pissed. I don’t think my laughing at him helped. He stopped talking and just stared at me and I smiled and put my iPod ear buds back in my ears and turned and walked away.
About five minutes later he was out mowing his lawn (and I thought professionals mowed his lawn. Oh well). Every time I would come back out he would glare at me and I would smile because there was an almost-naked fat guy who looked like an Easter egg with a hairy back mowing the lawn.
Can’t wait to see him tomorrow.