Dear God/Buddha/Allah/Great Spirit/Higher Being/Tom Cruise,
I have so many things to thank you for. Not only for revealing your true self to me, but for the many different ways you have chosen to make yourself known. The Bible. The Torah. The Koran. The magical book written in stone that you need those special glasses for to read. And L Ron Hubbard.
I come to you with a humble heart. But not so humble that I forsake my identity as the true goddess I am. Thank you for helping me see I am a goddess and also for the beads and jewelry that direct my inner chi and focus my energy and aura. Thank you also for making auras different colors so I can tell what mood I am in.
Thank you for the Tao. Doing nothing for you is so much easier than doing something.
Thank you for the Kabbalah and for making it cool to believe in a religion. Thank you for using Madonna as a vessel to make my faith fashionable. Thanks also for the fact that not only is my religion cool, but it also comes with nifty bracelets.
Thank you for Mother Earth and all of her wonder. Thank you for helping me realize that not only is nature important in the circle of life, but a single blade of grass is more important than I am.
I thank you, Mighty Creator, that you are the parent I always wished I had and that your gender is determined by the latest majority outlook.
I thank you for Jesus, who may or may not have existed and whose possible sacrifice doesn’t necessarily ensure my salvation unless that’s what I choose to believe as long as it doesn’t encroach upon the beliefs of others around me or offend them in any way, in which case I thank you for the possibility of Jesus who was definitely maybe more than a prophet and good man but not in a threatening way. Thank you for putting the “Christ” in Christmas and thank you for letting us take him back out if that’s not what we’re into.
Finally, thank you most of all for the freedom you’ve given me and how I choose to believe in you. I know that it’s not necessarily what I believe in that counts; just the fact that I believe something is good enough. And if, somehow, I have strayed from your purpose and intent I ask that you show me the way. Just as long as it’s not any different from the way I’m already doing it.