The Pepsi Showdown

Today a waitress tried to make me drink Pepsi.

I was at a local dive for lunch and ordered the cheeseburger special. When it came time to order my drink, I asked what kinds of soda they served. She answered, “Pepsi products.”

Thus begins my dilemma. Maybe I’m the only one that has noticed this, but I have found on more and more occasions that even though Dr Pepper is a Pepsi product (It is. Trust me. I looked it up.), a lot of places that carry Pepsi products don’t carry Dr Pepper. Why this is, I have no idea, but someone needs to bring this up at the next meeting.

I asked the waitress if they had Dr Pepper, and she said no. “What do you have besides Pepsi and Diet Pepsi?” I asked. You know. Because I hate Pepsi.

She said, “We have Pepsi*, Diet Pepsi**, Mountain Dew***, raspberry tea*****, and iced tea.*****”

Fine, I thought. “I’ll have a water.”

“It comes with a pop.”

“That’s OK, water is fine.”

She got mad. “But you get a Pepsi if you want it.”

Guess what, lady? I know. Today isn’t the day to try to serve me something I don’t want. Just bring me the water, and everything will be fine. Juuuuuuust fine.

*I said besides Pepsi.
** I also said besides Diet Pepsi. Way to listen.
*** What am I, six?
**** I hate cold tea as much as I hate Pepsi.
***** But I hate regular iced tea more than them all.

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