Playing MacGuyver

I’ve never ever seen an episode of MacGuyver, but I think I know enough about the show to say that last night, I felt a little bit like him.

I went to the NCT to see the shows last night and upon leaving the apartment Deanna informed me that she was going to hang out with friends and asked how late I’d be out. We only have one set of keys to the apartment, so the general rule is, whoever will be home first gets the keys so they can let the other person in. She said she thought she would be out until midnight or so. Usually after the NCT shows I hang out with the gang and talk and yak and just generally hang out so I told her that would be fine; take the keys. I’m usually there until at least 1am and, if by some chance I am done before midnight, I’ll swing by the diner up the block and grab a bite to eat. She said she’d call and leave a message when she gets home. I let her know my phone is almost out of juice, so it’ll be off most of the night. And the plan is set. Or so I think.

So I finally leave the theater about a quarter after midnight. Early for me. I call Deanna to see if she’s home yet and she doesn’t answer her phone. So I go to the diner. I get my usual [French toast and eggs] and enjoy a few cups of coffee. I leave and it’s pretty darn cold. I walk to the apartment and ring the buzzer. No answer. I call her and my phone is giving me the “Battery Low” beep. She answers and says she is in Chelsea [where the heck is that?] and will be on her way.

So I decide to go for a walk. The time is 12:38am. I go to Times Square [and take the long way] and listen to the black Muslims preach about the evils of whitey. I walk up and down the odd and then even street numbers and then decide to go to Duane Reade [a local pharmacy chain] and buy a magazine. I only have a few bucks on me, otherwise I’d have gone to a restaurant or a bar to hang out. I get back home around 1:30 and she’s still not there. I call a few more times and she doesn’t answer. And now my phone is so low on power, it won’t finish the call before turning itself off.

So I sit on the freezing stoop and read Entertainment Weekly. I sit there long enough to make myself read every damn section of the magazine [except the fashion section. Even as bored as I was I still was not bored enough to read about fashion].

I realize all that coffee made me have to go to the bathroom.Really bad.

And then it begins to snow.

I decide to go to yet another diner. I have enough money to buy another cup of coffee so I can use their bathroom. So I use the bathroom, buy a cup of coffee, and then pee again. The snow is really coming down and even in my current situation I thought it was beautiful.

I walk back to the apartment and she’s still not there. I turn my phone on and see if it has enough juice to make a call. It does, but there’s still no answer.

At this time, thankfully, someone else who lives in the apartment gets home and lets me in the front door. Man that hall never felt so warm before. So I was halfway home. I still didn’t have a key to get into our apartment.

One of the weird things [but often common] about New York apartments is many times the bathroom is actually out in the hall. That’s the way ours is set up. There’s a padlock on the bathroom door so no one can use it but us. Apparently people have locked themselves out of the apartment during a bathroom break before because I know there is a spare key to the apartment door hidden in the bathroom in a basket on a shelf above the toilet. But the bathrom door is padlocked shut.

All I need is a Philips head screwdriver and I can remove the padlock and get in the bathroom and get the key. But of course, I don’t have one. Nor do I have enough money to run out and buy one. And this is where things go MacGuyver. I’m not going to tell you how I got in just in case someone decides to break into our apartment, but I will tell you what I had with me [Funny, but I’ve never been so aware of every single item I had on my person before, trying to figure out how to get past that padlock]. I will also say this: I didn’t cause any permanent damage to the apartment, the doors, the locks, nothing. I did not leave a trace of my being there and/or getting in.

Maybe you can figure it out. Here’s what I had: A big Macy’s bag with a box of strawberry shortcake given to me by Gary at NCT. A tin of cookies I bought previously in the day. A money clip. Various cards i.e. library card, discount card, driver’s license. Spare change. A pen. Gloves. Hat. Scarf.

Hint: Although I tried a few things with the money clip, I was unsuccessful.

I finally got in my apartment around 3:30AM. I don’t know when Deanna got home, but she’s still asleep.

So there you go. An Ed-cyclopedia Brown mystery to solve. How did Ed get in the apartment??

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