The Mean and the Nice

Today I encountered my first mean and/or rude New Yorker. I’m not surprised that I met someone grumpy because hey, this is New York. That’s just a given. I’m actually more surprised that it took this long. I’m not changing any names to protect the guilty. I’m a New Yorker now and as a New Yorker, I say screw them.

I was out looking for temp work and went to a place called Winmar Temporary Services. I got up the elevator, rang the bell, and the door opened a crack and some lady in her 60s opened the door. She wouldn’t open the door any further because apparently my identical twin was there last week and kicked open the door and attacked her with sticks.

She asked what I wanted and I told her I was looking for temp work. She got really upset and said I needed to call to make an appointment. I said OK and then, even though I already had their number, I asked for their number anyway. She looked at the door where it said “804” and again got mad and asked what I meant.

I said, “So I can call to make an appointment.” Now bear in mind, I wasn’t being rude or copping an attitude. I still had on my polite face and was using my polite voice. Instead, she looked at me in disgust and said, “You know, you have to have a resume.”

Well duh, lady. I have 20 of them in my backpack and if you’d like I can take them out and give you a papercut with each one right across your face. I’m not sure what it was about me but she definitely didn’t think I’d have any idea what a resume was, not to mention there wasn’t a chance I would actually have one.

But instead of getting upset or becoming annoyed I just decided to laugh at her. And I did. Not a full-on belly laugh but a snicker/laugh that said, “Well of course I need a resume, you IDIOT.” I said, “Yeah I have one.” I went back into the elevator and when the doors closed I flipped her off. I called them on the phone and the guy who answered asked me to email my resume to them. I don’t think I will.

I also went to a temporary staffing service place called CTI and when I asked for work the girl gave me an application and questionnaire. Inside were all sorts of questions about being a waiter.

1. From which side do you serve someone in French service?
2. When all of the waiters serve a table at once it is called _______ the room.
3. What is French service?

Huh? What? How the freak should I know? I just want to sit at a computer and type stuff. So I filled out the questionnaire to the best of my ability and when I didn’t know the answer I made it obvious. By the way, my answers to the above questions were as follows (for real…this is what I put):

1. The right
2. Feeding
3. Treating you with a fake sincerity whilst secretly loathing me for being an “American swine.”

I turned in my test and told them I knew nothing about being a waiter. It was a different girl behind the desk and she asked why I filled out that particular application. I told her that’s what was given to me, I just want to type on a computer and she said, “Oh. Then I just need a resume. You don’t want to be a waiter?” I told her to look over my test and see if she thinks that’s my strong point. She laughed and I wished I was still in bed, sleeping away.

As I left I got stopped at a street corner and was waiting for the WALK signal. There were three people with British accents pointing and ooh-ing and ahh-ing. I looked up and just down the street was the Empire State Building. I think. It might have been the Chrysler Building. That’s not the point. The point is, it was beautiful. The morning sunlight hit it just rioght and was reflecting off of the windows in a brilliant prism.

So thank you, English People, for pointing that out to me. I needed to see that and it was a nice way to cap off the morning.

I could go on about my afternoon where I got a gig doing improv and filmed blue screen stuff for the Discovery Channel, but for now I am all pooped out. I’ll tell you more stories later, kids. But it was a great afternoon.

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