“The Number 23″: It Works!
Posted: March 30, 2008 Filed under: humor, movies | Tags: jim carrey, movie, number 23, review 2 Comments »Sarah and I just watched “The Number 23″ with Jim Carrey. In keeping with the spirit of the movie (where the number 23 is everywhere and doggone-it, it’s out to kill you!) I now present my short, but 23-laden review:
23 is composed of a 2 and a 3
2+3 = 5
23-5 = 18
The 18th letter of the alphabet is “R”.
The 5th letter of the alphabet is “E”.
And, of course, R and E are the first two letters of “RETARDED.”
Yep. It works.
What a Charmin Man
Posted: March 28, 2008 Filed under: humor | Tags: bill, check, ron borgna, toilet paper, water company, write Leave a comment »Hm….I guess this is one way to express being disgruntled at the water company….
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Man Writes Check on 2-Ply Toilet Paper
Mar 27, 9:42 PM (ET)
Borgna says he is appealing the judgment against him in small claims court.
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I wonder if the appeal was written on Kleenex and sealed in a paper towel envelope.
Bacon and Egg. And high heels.
Posted: March 27, 2008 Filed under: humor | Tags: concert, connecticut, correction officer, drag, garrett dalton, hannah montana, race, tickets, workmans comp 1 Comment »Yay! More strange but true news!!
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Mar 25, 8:47 PM (ET)
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OK so yeah, this guy was totally faking everyone out to get workman’s comp. That’s not the part of the story that disturbs me. It’s the fact that the radio station’s genius promotions director came up with the idea to give away Hannah Montana tickets by having people dress in drag and have a foot race in high heels. While balancing an egg on a spoon.
You know. Just like Hannah Montana does.
Dummies.
What’s the Difference Between a Leg and an Anus?
Posted: March 24, 2008 Filed under: humor | Tags: anus, bavaria, charmin, doctor, german, hospital, leg, operation, sphincter, surgery 1 Comment »If you don’t know, then you’re probably one of the surgeons in the following news article:
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Pensioner gets bum’s rush on op
March 19, 2008 12:00am
A GERMAN pensioner is taking a hospital to court after she turned up for a leg operation – and got a new anus instead.
The woman woke up to find she had been mixed up with another patient suffering from incontinence who was to have surgery on her sphincter.
The clinic in Hochfranken, Bavaria, has since suspended the surgical team.
Now the woman is planning to sue the hospital – although she still needs the leg operation and is searching for another hospital to do it.
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I’m still not quite sure what the outcome is. Does this mean her bathroom trips are now completed in half the time? Will the people at Charmin hire her as a new spokeswoman? What will this do to her dry cleaning bill? Can she now harmonize with herself when she farts?
So many questions…so few answers.
Grab the Taco and Make a Run for the Border
Posted: March 20, 2008 Filed under: humor | Tags: CEO, del taco, doug schaller, police, rialto, robert echeverria, taco, theft Leave a comment »Here’s a fun story for ya, kids!
Man Gets 30 Days’ Jail for Taco Theft
Mar 20, 12:18 AM (ET)
By ANDREW DALTON
“I love your guys’ tacos,” he said.
One of his two 18-year-old co-stars is later shown walking into the restaurant and claiming the food. The video ends with the three men feasting and laughing.
Echeverria even provided a pair of personal phone numbers in the video, Rialto police Lt. Joe Cirilo said.
A Rialto resident saw the video online last month and called police, authorities said.
On Tuesday, Echeverria pleaded guilty to misdemeanor burglary and received a sentence of 30 days in jail, three years’ probation and one special condition: a ban from the Rialto Del Taco.
“I tried to get him to stay away from all Del Tacos, but the judge said just the one,” Deputy District Attorney Doug Schaller said.
Schaller said the two teens can expect a similar plea deal, most likely minus the jail time.
See, people, this is exactly why I don’t post on my YouTube site my “How to Rip Off Netflix” video or step-by-step “Larceny Made Easy” short film or even my “This Video Will Definitely Get Me In Jail” video. Ya gotta keep some things to yourselves, guys.
I saw a video on YouTube of a news report covering this story. The “perp”(that’s what crime fighters like myself call people like this) turned out to be a gang member who weighs in at just a few pounds lighter than a dump truck (that’s just a “guess-timation,” of course). I’m pretty sure I saw him on Jerry Springer playing the role of “stereotypical fat Mexican gangster” but I could be mistaken.
Interviewing My Shirt Twin
Posted: March 20, 2008 Filed under: humor | Tags: american idol, chris sligh, christian, contestant, interview, music, singer, songwriter 7 Comments »I work at a radio station and every once in a while we get someone really cool to swing by the studios for an interview. And on even rarer occasions, I get to do the interviewing. Afterwards, I get to play back my stammering question-asking over and over again until my self-consciousness has completely grown back.
Last week, Chris Sligh came in for an interview (Name ring a bell? Chris was a top 10 finalist on season 6 of American Idol). He was a lot of fun to talk to and it was really cool finding out more about who he is and where he’s come from. The interview lasted 47 minutes and I somehow managed to whittle it down to 8-1/2. Enjoy!
Showdown at the USDA Corral
Posted: March 19, 2008 Filed under: humor | Tags: frozen ham, gloucester, italian meat, joe scola, massachusetts, meat, restaurant, sola's place, steal, thief Leave a comment »This is the latest article to catch my eye:
Restaurant owner beans meat thief with a ham
Mar. 16, 2008 11:59 AM, Associated Press
A meat thief is no match for an angry restaurant owner swinging a ham.
Joe Scola says he heard a noise in his Scola’s Place restaurant in Gloucester, Mass., and saw a man trying to get away with his arms full of meat taken from the restaurant freezer.
Scola says that when he caught up with the man and started taking back his stock, the man raised a five-pound log of frozen Italian meat over his head as if to use it as a weapon.
The restaurant owner had a frozen ham in his hand and slammed it into the man’s face, making a gash. The stunned thief dropped his loot and ran.
Police say they’re haven’t found the man responsible for the Wednesday confrontation.
Ed here again.
This totally ruins all of my future games of “Rock, Paper, Scissors, Italian Meat Log, Frozen Ham.” I don’t know about you, but where I come from Italian Meat Log totally beats Frozen Ham.
Of Corn Flakes and Stupid People
Posted: March 17, 2008 Filed under: humor | Tags: cereal, corn flake, ebay, emily mcintire, frosted flakes, great illinois corn flake, illinois, melissa mcintire, shape 10 Comments »Just saw this little gem online. Check it out…but stay tuned all the way to the end, as I have a comment or two….
Illinois-Shaped Corn Flake for Sale
Mar 17, 12:34 AM (ET)
By CARYN ROUSSEAU
CHICAGO (AP) – Sounds a little flaky, but someone has offered more than $50 on eBay for a piece of breakfast cereal that is touted as a lookalike to the state of Illinois.Two sisters listed “The Great Illinois Corn Flake” on the online auction site, promising it has undergone no alterations.
Emily McIntire, a 15-year-old sophomore in high school from Chesapeake, Va., said she was grabbing fistfuls of cereal on her way to class when she found the flake.
“It was almost to my mouth, it didn’t look like Illinois at first because it was held the wrong way,” said McIntire, but then she noticed the resemblance and said, “Oh my goodness, it’s Illinois.”
Her 23-year-old sister, Melissa, said their parents suggested selling it for fun. They’re offering free shipping to Illinois.
“At the moment it’s residing in a fine jewelry box with a lot of cotton wrapped around it to keep it safe,” said Melissa McIntire.
The McIntire sisters say they’ve decided to use the proceeds from the eBay sale to buy more boxes of Frosted Flakes.
“We’ve got to replace the one we’ve already sold,” Melissa McIntire said. “We like cereal.”
Wow. Just…just wow. This is all kinds of retarded. And by retarded, I mean re-freakin-tarded.
A Corn Flake
I also enjoy the part of the story where the sisters claim they are going to use the proceeds of their amazing find to buy more boxes of Frosted Flakes. Now there’s a wise investment, girls. How else were you going ever going to save up to buy a box of cereal? It’s a good thing you came across this gold mine, because we all know people otherwise have a tricky time figuring out how to pay for things like college, a new house, and Frosted Flakes.
I especially like how the author of the article is able to infuse a sense of “close call” nail-biting suspense into the story as well. This idiot had the corn flake almost in her mouth, when, at the last second, she realized what she was about to do. I picture in my head her sister diving across the table in slow motion while John Woo doves flutter outside the window. The spoon is knocked out of her hand and the precious corn flake is saved from–God forbid–being eaten. Wow. A close call indeed. Because you’re not going to find another Illinois-shaped corn flake until…well…you load up another spoonful of Corn Flakes. Idiots.
And how can you not love their final statement: “We like cereal.” I wonder if they had to loosen the strap on their protective helmet before coming up with this brave proclamation.
It’s stories like this one that make me want to Google their names, find their home address, make the drive down to Virginia, ring the doorbell, and when they answer, smash them in the face with a Swiffer WetJet.
Otherwise, how will they learn?
Update, June 7, 2008: I couldn’t resist. I had to talk about this on stage.
The Grand
Posted: March 17, 2008 Filed under: humor, movies | Tags: cheryl hines, chris parnell, david cross, dennis farina, las vegas, movie, poker, preview, ray romano, the grand, trailer, woody harrelson Leave a comment »Count me in!
An Extra 24
Posted: March 16, 2008 Filed under: humor | Tags: 24 ricky gervais stephen merchant kiefer sutherland off Leave a comment »I’ve been looking for this clip for some time now (ever since the first week of last December to be exact) as it crosses a couple of my favorite pop culture items. The TV show “24″ and the comedian Ricky Gervais. For those who may not yet know, Gervais is the creator and star of the original version of “The Office” and also the equally hilarious series “Extras.” It turns out he and his writing partner Stephen Merchant are also huge fans of Kiefer Sutherland and his show “24.” Merchant actually had a cameo appearance in a “24″ episode last season, but according to Entertainment Weekly the “24″ producers felt that Gervais was too recognizable when he played a White House aid, so they cut the scene. And knowing this would happen, the crew decided to have fun with it. It’s an extra on the “24″ Season 6 DVD and today I found it floating around on YouTube. God bless the internet.
